When our recovery started everything was going wrong. The medical system was misdiagnosing our family – Feeding us pills that were only making thing worse. No Doctor could figure (But everyone knew) what the hell was wrong with us. We destroyed every relationship we had with addiction, dysfunction and mental illness. Our lives, what was left of them fell apart even more than we expected. Something had to change.
It was that night, so long ago, staring at the ceiling through bottom of a glass, drinking water when the question to myself was posed “What the FUCK are you doing!?!?!”.
So, we locked ourselves into a building, refusing to leave, for years. We got rid of the Doctors, we got rid of the medicines, the case managers, the bullshit groups. We got rid of everyone who had an opinion that just didn’t fit. We started researching, reading, studying on our own. After a few very, very hard years, everything made total sense; We, as a family, came to conclusion in solitude. No outside voices or opinions – We listened only to our own. Which is a horribly difficult task to partake in.
There is ultimate power and unbridled strength that comes to someone who faces themselves in solitude, that can only be forged in it; There is a self generating gift that is earned, when you decide to decide for yourself how to live, what to think and why.
“Isolation is the gift – All others are a test of your endurance”. Charles Bukowski was absolutely correct.
People don’t understand why we don’t lean on other’s for emotional support. It’s a foreign concept to most and many people find that to be hurtful to them; Us not leaning upon them. Many people ask “Why won’t you lean upon me – Why won’t you let me in?!?!” The simple answer is, we learned, all over again, how to lean on each other, as a family for emotional support. When you can achieve emotional self support, leaning upon others for it, is what becomes foreign.
We learned how to generate happiness together, as a family and for our family. We learned all over again, the only people we need for emotional support, is each other. Anything else, can be taken away, by anyone, at any time – That is called being powerless.
That is a power and a gift, that no matter what happens, cannot be taken away from us. There is a self sustaining pride in our family, that can never be taken away from us; There is happiness that can NEVER be taken away from us.
Isolation and honestly listening your own true, even if terrifying voices and no one else’s, will save your fucking life.
Shut off the cell phone, the outside opinions, the politicians, the T.V – Lock yourself in a quiet room and start writing in your diary.
The only voices, thoughts and opinions that will ever truly matter and will be of any kind of worth to you, are your own.
If we can do it, anyone can.
The concept is simple; The task, is exponentially difficult and incredibly painful.
Allt sem þú þarft er þú