Hello lovely readers! We hope your day is going wonderfully. So many wonderful people ask so many wonderful questions about DiD. Many seem to be really concerned about how to interact with us (Which makes some of us blush). When to say hello, how to say hello. We wouldn’t worry about saying something that offends us – It hasn’t happened yet.
We know what you’re thinkin!
“Is it okay to ask to speak to someone else in your family!?!” “Is it like the movies!?!?!”?
OF COURSE it is! As with all things ALL things true DiD though, the answer is a bit more (Well a lot more) complicated than you might think!
If we are in a relaxed state or laughing with you, it’s perfectly fine to say “Hey, can I talk to Katy for a moment!?!” 70 percent of the time, that’s just fine. That that 30 percent, maybe not.
If you can tell our family is possessed, upset or stressed out that’s not the time to ask to speak to someone individually. That could easily start a huge fight. When people living with DiD are upset, the “System” is much more fluid, hypervigilant and defensive, than it usually is. Multiple alters can be upset at the same time (C/eg=?)
If you know someone with DiD, we suggest letting the upsetting event pass before calling on certain alters in your loved one’s system. If a loved one is in an upset (Is is possible to be happily upset) situation, let alters come to you when they are ready, if they will make a known/public appearance, at all.
Alters have to trust you too, to appear and that can take years and years of work. We are all severe trauma thrivers, trust is a very complicated issue for people blessed to be living with DiD.
As weird as it sounds, it’s also perfectly okay to ask “Can someone tell Katy I want to talk with her?” – With a caveat. Katy is very, very, very emotional and very sensitive. If you don’t add in “everything is fine and I”m not upset, when she’s ready”, she might interpret that badly. Note how vague that statement is in context and the vague words utilized.
If Katy ends up upset, just like in your own family, other members of our family can end be upset for/with her and things can get messy. We say “might”. She’s getting better. Below is what seems to work for loved ones and friends of ours:
“Hey guys let Katy know I’d like to speak with her and I’m okay too! When she’s ready, no big deal!”
Something like that is perfect. This is also a great strategy you can employ with others in a DiD system and how to get to know and introduce yourself to them. This kind of question also works well if a split has happened and another family member has become dominant (-D+).
If you are face to face with us, or a loved one with DiD, more than one person is studying your voice – a good suggestion is to always be honest about your intentions about wanting to speak with a particular alter(s) in your loved one’s system.
Kayleigh is studying the actual shape of your voice (Yes, voices have a 3D shape to many of us and they are BEAUTIFUL!) listening for stress, print variations, the meter in your voice, the spacing and timing of your words, your voice’s inflection(s) she’s listening and hyper analyzing EVERYTHING about it.
If she detects any kind of change in the shape of your voice, she’s going to react to that and might warn others in our family that she’s sensing something odd – To be on the lookout and vigilant.
She does this to protect Katy (And the rest of us, but primarily Katy). While Kayleigh is studying your voice, others in the system (Who might be engaged/Awoken) are studying different parts of you – The way you move, the way you breathe, how you blink, you shifting your finger to the left half an inch while you’re sitting down – Your every physical movement is being analyzed.
Loved ones, all of them, say the same thing, universally;
“I feel like I”m being studied/analyzed and it’s making very uncomfortable“.
That “Feeling” is a fact; You are being intently studied by multiple people in multiple perspectives, in real time. (Ask the #Brick in the comments about this as well, if you like).
For as hyper complicated as DiD is, as a loved one, in our opinion(s), your greatest communication tool is honesty and being passively vague (When the situation directly calls for vague, like this).
Thank you guys for coming by and spending your time that you so generously gave up to read more about our family. That inspires and humbles us. Thank you. Here’s our gift to you for reading our silly scribblings – A gift from a few of us.