Hello lovely souls! We hope your day is as going well and that you are happy, healthy and smiling. So, SO (E/e=Bc) what we would like to talk about today is something that most people have come to accept as common behavior when interacting with someone with DiD. We always smile/cringe when people ask us:
“Who am I talking to right now?!?!?”
That, to someone living with true DiD can be an extremely triggering and loaded question under certain circumstances. Let’ discuss further, this wonderful yet potentially upsetting question by well meaning friends and loved ones.
It’s wonderful in the sense that someone is conscious of the fact that they are dealing with a loved one with DiD and most would think asking someone who’s “dominant” (-D+) would be a good thing and it can be – At the right time. It can be good and at the same time not so good. It all depends on the situation that’s happening (Inside the DiD system) that you may have not even have knowledge of, which can invite disaster. Let us set the stage for you lovely souls.
Let’s assume you decide to call us, to message us on Skype, or you’re even you are sitting right in front of us. Let’s assume for the sake of argument, for whatever reason, Kayleigh Marie is upset or in a defensive mode and you have no idea that is the case, which is often the case. “So, who am I talking to” might actually invite a nasty fight to someone who’s already on the defensive or even looking for a fight. Such an innocent, well meaning and kind inquiry may have the opposite affect of what you are intending.
Kayleigh may respond with something like “You have known us for a while know, how the fuck don’t you know who you are talking to right now!?!?” That’s all it takes. One must be very careful and choose their words very carefully, not because you might end up offending someone with DiD but instead, you may instigate fights which can lead to possessions (-P+) or other situations that might place the person with DiD in danger. If Kayleigh is on the defensive, it might also set other alters on a course to defend and support her. The entire system can be easily rattled, if one is not extremely careful.
Have no doubt about it, a defensive possession (-P+) can lead to an alter (Or the ANP) attacking and they place the system in possible danger. Possessions are extremely dangerous to someone living with true DiD. A single defensive possession can end a relationship that’s taken years to form, in 30 seconds.
DiD is just as complicated, if not more complicated for friends and loved ones than those that live with true DiD, at times. Weird, isn’t it?
True DiD is NEVER as black and white as malingerer’s and common media make it seem. True DiD is a disorder that’s constantly in the grey and constantly in flux. Kayleigh likes to say that living with DiD is a 3D problem, not a 2 dimensional presentation, as too many cases are presented as (The giveaways are everywhere).
Our loved ones have learned, over time, to do the opposite – Everything with us is in reverse; Instead of inquiring as to who’s dominant, they will say “Hey guys!” or something similar. A simple “Hey guys” or “Hey how are ya’ll doing” is a much more neutral question that’s hard for a DiD system to misinterpret. When one says something simple like this, it alerts everyone who’s currently engaged that “Hey, I’m glad to be talking to whomever is active and I don’t want to assume”. Make assumptions with Kayleigh, holy hell you are taking your own comfort and placing it into her hands.
Alters, who want to make themselves known to you will, on their time, when they are ready and that’s the best for everyone. Never, ever, ever assume you know who’s dominant or who’s engaged – Also, never press your opinion of who’s dominant, we guarantee that will end, badly.
So all that being said, it’s all still very simple. Asking someone with DiD “Who am I talking to?” may or may not be the best option. The Devil is in the details – The little tiny details that you would never think could cause serious problems do, and some of the giant details you would think would cause harm, may not matter. It all depends on the moment, situation, the status of the system, who is currently dominant (-D+) and those in the system that are co-engaged (C/eg=?)
As a fun note; You will always know when you are speaking with Kayleigh Marie. 🙂
Thank you all so so much for dropping by our shitbox when you could be anywhere else. The generous sacrifice of your time is inspiring and humbling to us. Thank you.
Stay perfect people because you do it so damned well!