There is one reason why we know we are addicts. For new readers sorry to lay this on you all at once
I knew. We knew.
We always knew this was a game. We always knew everything was a lie, designed to deceive us. We never felt special, we felt different. From anyone. We always knew somehow that we were on a giant play set – A giant stage. We somehow knew that everything in this realm was a deliberate fabrication. All of us knew, we just didn’t know how to verbalize how terrified we were then and are now. We knew the Matrix existed, even as young children but we couldn’t see the walls of it, yet.
We didn’t want to exist in this realm ever since we were aware of it’s existence and ours.
Because we knew these things, reality itself is traumatizing to us. Whatever this reality is terrifies us. We have always felt this way – Which is why we never fit in with anyone, ever. No one could possibly relate with us and it’s better that way.
Forget the trauma, Miscreants, reality itself, whatever it is, is so terrifying for many of us, it was far too easy to pick up. Anything to wash it all away. Far too easy.
We never enjoyed living in this realm. Never. That’s not to say that we haven’t met lovely people in this “life” – All of you reading these family notes are one of the reasons we are still here and still writing. We have loved everyone we ever met. This has nothing to do with people, this has to do with us.
To wash away something that is so terrifying is just one of the many reasons why we woke up addicts. I’d like to say we had a choice when we decided to pick up and use any chemical agent to wipe this reality away but I/we didn’t. We had been to horribly traumatized beyond help to be able to make conscious/self aware decisions.
The Matrix itself is part of our “Trauma Matrix”. Pretty wicked beast to try and slay, wouldn’t you agree?
I hope all of you fucking Miscreant’s read’s this in your own time. I”ll post it uniquely somehow so all of you can read it. We can do it, just like the drinkin’ and the pills. Stay lovely, Miscreants – It’s gonna be a long night.
By the way lovely readers, this isn’t a plea for attention and we don’t want you to feel bad for us, AT ALL. “System Notes” are for our family – They aren’t directly meant for you. That’s all. Keep bein’ so darned beautiful because you do it so well! 😀