DiD System – Misunderstood signs and shitty days. (Readers)
Over the last 72 hours, Kayleigh Marie has been extremely active, for extreme reasons. When she shows up, our entire state of being changes and people wouldn’t/didn’t know it. Because there are so few cases of dedicated DiD (DDiD – New term?) people generally don’t know how to react to an active DiD system with multiple engagements happening at the same time – No one does. Such is our lives.
This is where we are trying to help the cause – Doing our best to explain in detail all these little (And sometimes not so small) nuances. Kayeligh and MikeANP were both possessed (P), most of yesterday. It was a difficult day, in a Possessed State – I (Mike) have bits and pieces of it, it was a hard day of having difficult human and system interactions. That’s DiD, welcome to it. So let’s begin, lovely readers.
Getting to know our entire system takes years and its a very, very difficult journey. As individuals, we have our own likes, dislikes, goals, ambitions, romantic interests, ecetera and so forth. Our personalities, in many cases are in complete opposition of each other (OAS). Kayleigh is a totally different person than Katy Mae, versus, say, MikeANP or Mark(us). We all, however take care of and protect each other in times of system difficulties and or human interaction difficulties.
Depending on the situation that’s unfolding, you might not even know you are talking to someone else in the system at any one point in time unless someone tells you who’s speaking. We spent decades actively hiding (A/h) in order to survive. We learned to operate independently of each other, with horrific and tragic results. You would have no idea, online or offline that Kayleigh Marie was actively engaged (Engagement) with you. There may not be signs you would recognize, indicating that she is active but if you get to know her and the way she operates, you will always see those signs the moment they happen.
Kayleigh is brawler – She pulls no punches with anyone and she’s very outspoken. Her intentions, however, are for the positive. Being Autistic, not only are we misunderstood but our intentions are generally misunderstood. Everything, sometimes for us, is in reverse and most people don’t know how to deal with it/us. This has always been our problem. People assume that what they see is what they get but that is NEVER the case with DiD. Everything we do and say has multiple meanings and contexts (X9). Good, bad and everything in between.
MikeANP on the other hand is completely different than Kayleigh Marie. I’m more quiet and reserved – I try my best to avoid conflict as opposed to Kayleigh or Mark who will never shy away from it, no matter who you are – They’re not afraid of anyone. That being said, I, just like anyone else in the system can end up possessed (P), dominant (D) or a in protective role (“Gatekeeping” – G/k). Yesterday, for one reason or another was a possessed day and those days ALWAYS suck, for everyone, including loved ones AND us. It’s tiring, scary and sometimes very saddening – Depending on what’s happened during that possession. This is living DiD everyday.
DiD is not always fun, no matter how much it’s depicted in the mainstream with bubble gum music playing in the background.
In recovery, many times, we will internally project images of violence and war when we are fighting each other and or our old habits/addictions. Especially during a possessive (P) event. People assume, rightly, that these images have something to do with them or someone else. Nope, Internal projections (I/p) are all about us and are meant for us. A great example of the internal projections are below:
We aren’t projecting this as image of violence towards anyone – It’s us battling us and our former disorder.
Unless we tag this image as “External Projection – (E/-p) the projections have nothing to do with anyone but us.
So that’s a bit more about us. Thank you so so much for coming by and taking time out of your day when you didn’t have to do so. All of you are wonderful and lovely in every way. Rock on with your bad selves.