The end is here; And oh how beautiful I know it will be.
Hello lovely readers! Jesus, there is so much going on right now. The last few days and nights have been without a doubt, the hardest days of my life. I’m fond of saying “Addiction is a sneaky, sneaky bitch”. As a recovering addict myself, I have learned, we have learned, that addiction can hide anywhere. I have always posited that someone can be addicted to anything.
It’s not the object/drug someone is addicted to, it’s the chemical reaction happening in the brain that someone is addicted to. We have battled, or at least, I have battled addiction my whole life, chasing this addiction dragon’s tail into Hell on Earth. That’s where my family has been. For years. Hell, on Earth. Addicted to trauma, heartbreak, depression and post traumatic shock, for years. The truth of that addiction, is terrifyingly simple and it began with trauma bonds. I know now, we are dealing also, with complex post traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) from the hell that we have been through, even in recovery.
Trauma survivors tend to gravitate to those that will harm them again, in a never ending cycle of unchained and unchecked, continual, severe abuse; Trauma survivors, from our experience also tend to gravitate towards other trauma survivors – Perpetuating and projecting the same abuse/trauma bond cycle, over and over again. It never ends and it won’t end, until your soul is destroyed; Or worse, it can end your life.
It almost killed us – Numerous times.
When our recovery began, I/we put down the booze. That was the first to go. Addiction is like whack a mole. You destroy one addiction, that same addictive behavior and attention will pop up somewhere else, out of the blue, all over again. It’s a constant battle of chasing addiction and trauma bonds.
Our very souls, our energies, our essences themselves, have been absolutely devastated and depleted, coming into recovery but not destroyed, completely. We have never been so exhausted and drained spiritually, mentally and physically. There was a reason we were constantly physically sick and so tired all the time, it was hard to even climb stairs. My own chains of addictions, finally revealed themselves over the last few days. My research into how #Empaths, addicts and trauma survivors are lured, and or step, themselves, right back into abusive situations, opened the floodgates of reality. This is known as “Trauma bonding”.
And it hurts – Terribly. Terribly. One who has a trauma bond with someone else is being re-victimized, all over again, with predictable and horribly devastating results.
But I know now, that our family will survive this, no matter how hard the road to recovery and health is. We have each other and Katy Mae decided last night, to post an internal cooperation (I/co) and Family Unification element (Pe-D) from “The Lovely Bones”;
Our family, reunifying to heal each other after the war – All we need, is each other.
Our souls, our essence(s) will recover; They can’t be taken away from us, now. Understanding how deeply addiction and trauma bonding has affected us and those around us has been both shocking and extremely hard to cope with. It’s a weight that we can no longer escape. Exhaustion has taken reign.
Many of you lovely readers out there have been seeing us “Echo” imagery of a war happening, for years; There was a war happening, an unseen one, that has lasted pretty much the entirety of our recovery phase. The fallout, of course, just like any other addict, comes in the form of horrendous and hideous trauma(s) that we have suffered, that we have thankfully, survived. I questioned, for a long time, what this fucking war was about in the first place. It took me years and too many tears to understand it. My entire family has paid a very heavy price during this war of understanding.
Echo Element (E/e) as an external projection (E/-p) from the movie “Saving Private Ryan”.
As Kayleigh Marie explained in “Miscreant’s Alley”; “You are a #Divergent, you had to see the truth for yourself, when you were ready”.
Thank God, I see the truth, now; It’s too simple, as the truth of things always is – Not the flimsy truth I would rather accept as a beautiful fantasy but the hard truth that I need to accept as reality. That’s the hardest part – As it is for any addict.
I never wanted or wished for this war. I woke up to the war happening before I even knew it started; Some of us, were already engaged in this struggle before MikeANP even realized the conflict was happening.
Our entire family is battered, exhausted, sucked dry and beaten down but it’s all over. The war has ended. The guns have fallen silent. I know, my daughter and the rest of my family knows, there are brighter days ahead and they will happen again – Even while we fumble in the dark to hold onto each other in the deafening silence of a pot marked, scarred battlefield.
I thank all of you, who have come to our blog, read our stories, supported and loved us while this battle happened. We owe all of you, each and every one of you, our heartfelt thank you(s) and love.
“Once you really understand something, you are liberated from it”. –The Four Horsemen