Hello lovely readers! Thanks for swinging by when you could be somewhere else! Looking for a new place to live isn’t fun where we are at; Especially when you have to start recalling dates, times ect and so for. This brings up the “oh so not so fun” part of DiD which is memory problems. Let’s talk about it.
With this blog post we will focus mainly on the dominant side of memory issues without the dissociative/fugue element, as this will only make things confusing. Let’s do a little role play, shall we lovely readers?
Let’s imagine that you went to see a concert. Let’s keep it real, you went to see the Nsync reunion tour.olololol Your secret is safe with us. A day later a bunch of your friends comes over to house, wanting to see incriminating photos and hear stories of the evening, placing you at the scene of the concert (For future mocking purposes).
Except, you can’t remember anything about the concert. You can kind of recall, in a fuzzy, dreamlike way a bit of the evening, but you leave everyone, including yourself, in shock as to the failure in your memory. How couldn’t you remember, you were there!
A day later, let’s say your boss gives you some trouble (Alter activation/stressor) and you a really bothered. All of the sudden, for some odd reason, you can remember more about the concert, in finer detail then when you were actually there! You can remember, tastes, smells, the loud music, everything.
The simple answer is, because it wasn’t you, that went to the concert in the first place; It might not have even been you that bought the ticket to the concert! In this case, a dominant alter attended the event, not the host. In fact, you as the host (Or another alter) may hate Nsync and wouldn’t be caught dead at one.
The fun begins when you the host (Or an alter/EP) before the concert, who is still co-engaged, decides you simply don’t want to go to the concert in the first place.
Certain altars can carry certain memories simply because it was them experiencing the event, not the host. In this way, your entire life of cherished (And no so cherished) memories become a giant block of Swiss cheese that is sitting on a roulette table which spins without your command.
As altars become dominant (In control) or co-engaged (Partially in control), it’s their memories that come to the forefront, not the host’s. This is a particularly awful situation if certain altars are trauma holders and they become dominant.
While the you, the host didn’t absorb trauma but the alter that was extruded from that trauma, did. This is why people with DiD can absorb such horrific, war crimes level abuse and not recall any of it – but the alter will be able to recall everything. If an alter is upset or alseep or simply doesn’t want to speak, the memories they hold, you don’t have access to.
“Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Mark’s a dirtbag –Katy Mae
This is one of the more horrible side of this disorder; You end up not really having a memory anymore . So that’s fun, right!?!! Someone with DiD simply may not be able to recall life (Good or bad) events because it wasn’t them experiencing them in the first place.
So much going on; We feel like absolute shit, we don’t remember the last time we slept actually was. Most things in our lives right now seem to be becoming more awful and each second; We are tryin’ our best to hang on. We continue.
You continue being lovely! bye bye